Does age really matter in a relationship?

Age differences in relationships have long been the victim of public scrutiny, deeming the older male as a pervert, and the older female as a cougar. Dependent on just how severe the age difference is can determine how people perceive you and your entire relationship. If there is an age difference, there must be a motive behind the coupling, right? We assume the woman just wants a baby before her time runs out, or the man wants to feel young again.

I know personally that large age differences can work out within a relationship – it just depends on the individuals involved. My parents met and started dating when my mother was sixteen and my father was twenty-seven, and they married three years later. For all of you recoiling in horror, it worked out fine – they’ve been married for twenty-six years now, and the age doesn’t affect them whatsoever. At the time, my grandparents weren’t even fussed – my mother was mature, and my dad was immature. They balanced each other perfectly and met in the middle.

I think one of the major problems that seem to hit these mis-aged couples is that both people are in completely different stages of life. I currently have this – I’m a student, my partner is in full-time employment. Whilst I am technically striving to achieve a decent job and a good future, I’m still a lazy student with a part-time job. I don’t do as much as he does, and thus technically don’t understand his life. When I complain about classes or homework, I get scoffed at and told to wait until I’m in the “real world”. That’s support for you. He’s older than I am by four years, which is a pretty standard age gap. It doesn’t affect us that much, except when I’m on summer holidays and he has to endure four months of me breezing through life with no cares in the world.

Now, if the woman is the older in the relationship, she is generally perceived as being the dominant one, luring the vulnerable young man into her trap. Is this really the case? Don’t men prefer older women? They’re more independent, have a life of their own, have a career and can offer life experience as well as companionship. However, on the downside, we can’t ignore the fact that women have been given a ticking clock, and it might come into play that the older woman is just desperately trying to have a family and settle down before it’s “too late” and she’s on the metaphorical shelf.

It’s obvious that the age differences between a man and a woman are talked about more by people who know them and aren’t actually in the relationship than they are by the couple themselves. It’s something that instantly defines the couple for everybody else, whether we determine the woman as a “cradle-snatcher”, or the man as probably having bought his girlfriend. This is completely unnecessary – love isn’t age-specific, and you can’t choose who you fall in love with. Your parents and friends might have some concerns about the intentions of the older, and thus dominant person, but you don’t have to prove yourself to anybody. If you don’t see a problem with picking your girlfriend up from school, or taking your boyfriend back to his nursing home after a date, then nobody else should either. It’s all individual to the relationship, and whilst it may be the butt of some people’s jokes, they’re generally the people who are jealous and unhappy with going through a mid-life crisis at the same time as their partner – that’s got to be stressful.