In my workplace, there is a book which has remained constantly present over the years. CDs have come and gone, Harry Potter’s have remained and then been de-cluttered, but this book has been a constant in the work for a while now.
The book is entitled “Cassell’s Book of Etiquette” by “A woman of the world.” Now, you may think this book sounds like a dusty volume that should be sealed in a time capsule, never to see the light of day. However, I beg to differ. The book tells tales of the good old days, when etiquette was ever present, and people were cordial, well-mannered and generally jolly.
The contents within the book detail topics such as how to visit somebody, letter-writing, how to dress appropriately, and how to endure each meal of a dinner correctly. Personally, I think the art of letter-writing is under-rated, and I still address an email to someone of importance with the structure of a letter. It might get muddled with the HTML and open on the other side as though I’ve just gone to town with line spacing and indents, but the intent is there. It might come as a surprise to many, if not all of you, that I’ve actually taken etiquette classes in the past. Not voluntarily, of course, and it was all ludicrous. If you genuinely expect every guy you date to pull your chair out, stand when you depart to powder your nose, and show up with a posy of flowers from his garden, you are going to be sorely disappointed. With the era of feminist views sinking into every aspect of modern life, it is perceived as weak and submissive for women to require a man to fulfil these needs. A modern woman can pull her own chair out, thank you very much. She doesn’t need a man to escort her to the powder room, nor does she need a corsage or pin to show the world she’s off the market.
Take dance cards for example – not exactly a hot topic nowadays, but would probably prove useful in clubs and discos. Using the excuse of having a full dance card could allow you to escape the ordeal of dancing with a sleazy stranger. It could allow you to sort the wheat from the chaff in a room full of men desperate for some attention, and if you’re in the mood for a night of dancing with your girls, fill the card up with them. Sorted.
My favourite part of the visiting chapter is when it suggests firmly that when calling round to someone else’s house, you should not bring small children or dogs. Their explanation of why is fantastic: “The former, besides often hearing much that they should not, are apt to make awkward remarks. The latter may do a great deal of mischief in overturning things, and require the constant attention of their owner, which interrupts conversation.” At least I know why I’m not invited.
If we were to introduce the visiting once more, we’d probably need to give up our jobs. We would need to be at home much of the day, with tea and scones ready on the off-chance someone should call. It sounds like quite a chore.
When it comes to dress, the book enforces age limits on clothing, and that in order to age gracefully, you should accept your age and dress accordingly, so that nobody will mistake your fifty year old mother for a teenage hippy. Nowadays, “age refuses to admit that it should dress differently”, which makes for some interesting mid-life crisis choices. Admittedly, I always think its strange when you come across a grown adult in Topshop and New Look. I don’t think their clothing has anything for those age ranges, and it seems like denial for a forty-year old to cling onto the fashionable trends of playsuits, pvc leggings and wearing sequined hotpants. Admittedly, these trends are some of the ones that shouldn’t be attempted no matter what your age or body shape – they’re just wrong.
Another titbit from the dress section is skirt advice. Okay, skirts are short now, and sometimes that can look nice, and sometimes you can look like you embody Pretty Woman and are just waiting for a nice man to pay for some nice clothes. Nonetheless, the book tells me that skirts should allow for complete freedom – I don’t think I’ve ever been completely free in a skirt, bar a full circle one. I have pencil skirts, where I can’t use steps or bend down. They look flattering, but they involve a lot of awkward manoeuvring. Mini-skirts, not of the pretty woman variety, if worn without leggings, can involve an embarrassing flashing incident if worn in inappropriate weather conditions, or if you find yourself above somebody else, for example on a staircase, stage or balcony.
To sum up, there are some rules and instructions in this book that seem out of place for modern times, but it holds a fond nostalgic of a time when people were polite, manners were used and respect was constant. If we won’t bring dance cards, fur trims and lace back to the forefront; we should consider the most important elements and respect everybody equally, treat people with cordiality and present ourselves well, whether that means dressing for our age, phoning back the person you don’t want to talk to, writing thank-you cards for gifts or just saying please and thank you. These are the things that should never be considered “old-fashioned.”
No comments:
Post a Comment