Weddings.

I didn't see it coming, but I seem to have reached the age where a lot of my friends are getting engaged and/or married. I now have to scour the rails for more than just shorts and tees for the summer stockpile; I have to look for wedding outfits.
This dreaded age was not something I saw looming ahead. When I was younger, it didn't appear that everybody older was getting married, but now I've hit my twenties, I've made the startling realization that they are.
As a young girl, I was one of those special children that dreamed of getting married, but I didn't let it get in the way of my rigorous Barbie play schedule. It was something I planned to do, and I planned to do it at the same age as my mother, as I thought that would be appropriate. If I was older than my mother was when she married, I thought this would be disappointing.
Of course, reality hit home when I went to school and realised that time was running out. If I was to be married by twenty, I had to do something drastic. Of course, the drastic move was reaching the natural conclusion that it probably wouldn't happen and that this was neither a problem, nor a disappointment. I still aimed to be married by twenty-one, but this was a vague aspiration in the back of my mind, not a strict regime.
As part of an eclectic group of friends at secondary school, I was the weird one. I wasn't the weirdest, but I was definately different. We often discussed who we thought would do such and such when they were older, and the topic of who would get married first cropped up once or twice. I learned that my friends had a hierarchy of who they thought who be married first, right down to who would be married last. They decided that I would be the last person in our group to get married.
This was quite hurtful, to be honest, but I suppose they had a point. I didn't have a boyfriend, I was a fun-loving weird type of girl, and they may have pinned me as the perpetual girlfriend type (that is, if I managed to score a boyfriend), but never a wife.
When my friend got a serious boyfriend, the hierarchy changed and she was bumped up to first place, but I was still bringing up the rear. Nearing the end of school, I got a boyfriend, and am still with the guy. I've spoken to my friends about this "last to get married" choice, and have learnt that I'm in first place, even though the other friends are still together. I asked why they chose me as last place, and they couldn't pin down the reason. I think they thought I just wasn't the type to settle down and become a housewife and take up gardening in my twenties.
I'm not that type. Yes, I want to settle down, but I don't consider myself a "wife type". I can't cook, I'm messy by nature and I have no desire to rear children just yet.
I sat and watched "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding" last night. I was fascinated by their way of life and their take on marriage. They understand that marriage is a life-long commitment and that once you've made your (marriage) bed, you've got to lie in it. These girls are brought up restricted in most ways; they can't go out, they can't date, can't live with a guy before marriage, can't sleep with a guy before marriage, etc. A lot of the engagements take place the first or second time that a guy meets a girl, at the average age of 14. These teen-fiancees then spend the next few years finalizing the details on the wedding they've dreamt of since childhood, making them come to life. At 16, they get married.
I felt old. I felt like, at 20, I've past my peak. I'm lagging; yet again, I'm the last to get married. I quickly shook this feeling off and replaced it with incredulity. At age 16, I wasn't ready for anything, let alone becoming a wife. At 20, I'm not ready to become a wife. I've experienced far more than these young girls; I've travelled, I'm educated, I have freedoms they'll never enjoy. My boyfriend and I have met more than twice, funnily, and have been going out for three years now. We're often discussed as being the next logical choice to get married, but this is based only on the duration of our relationship, as no-body else knows the ins and outs of who we are together. Lots of our friends have gone off the beaten track and gotten engaged quickly, after not going out for long at all. I don't know how they can truly know each other properly, and I hope marriage is a pleasant surprise for them, but I couldn't do that. I want people to understand and to respect my decision to get married, to know that I thought about it and know what I'm getting myself into. I want to make my bed, and I'm going to lie in it, no matter what happens. It might be a few years yet until I become a bride, and, with only 2 months left till I turn 21, I think my mother has won on this occasion. But she didn't rush into her marriage, and I'm not going to either. I want to know that I know my husband truly and properly before agreeing to spending my life with him. I don't want to marry them based on a whim, an impulse or a fantasy of what married life is like. I want to marry them because I love them, and for this, I'm willing to wait until the time is right.